My personal story:

      Life is busy, it often rushes by.  Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and months turn into years.  As the journey unfolds, we spend our time making memories.  The memories are what we hold onto, what helps us to tell our stories.  As I write “my personal story”, I retrieve my memories, reflect on what they mean to me, and bring them to light, in order to connect with those of you experiencing the ravages of dementia in a loved one.  Pulling up these memories triggers a flood of emotions; the emotions that I am sure many of you are dealing with every day on your journey with dementia.  These emotions come from watching someone close to us lose the very memories that make them who they are; the memories that tell their story. In their hesitations and their eyes, we can see them searching for bits of the past that used to connect them to the present.  We feel the sadness of losing a loved one to Dementia, even if that person is actually still with us, we feel overwhelmed and not sure of how to help our loved one, and we even experience anger; the anger of “why me, why my loved one”.
     My journey began in twelfth grade. When as a high school senior, I realized that I wanted to help people, and I wanted to make everyday functions easier for individuals with disabilities.  I applied to college for Occupational Therapy, an unknown major at the time.  I attended Boston University to complete my degree and during school, I worked as a behavior specialist with head injury patients on the north shore.   Following graduation, I continued working in Head Injury.  I loved the in depth analysis of cognition and what makes the brain function. I enjoyed applying Occupational Therapy Theory to everyday tasks and evaluating and treating patients with cognitive decline.    I switched jobs after a year to work in larger Rehabilitation Centers and enjoyed improving my evaluation skills with diverse disability populations.
After getting married and having four children, I decided to be a Stay at Home Mother and to create wonderful Memories for my children to carry into the future with them.  During this time period, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease.  For ten years, I assisted with his wellness oversight and spent a lot of time supporting my mother through the process.  Each dementia stage carried with it a different challenge for my family and my background in cognition, behavior and activities of daily living training proved to be helpful in the journey. 
     My dad’s story is like so many others. As witnesses to the progression of Alzheimer's Disease every family encounters overwhelming grief, and the need for resources and support to allow a loved one to stay at home for as long as possible.   For my family, my mother was vital and active and able to carry the full burden of my dad’s care.  In the early stages, with my guidance, she adapted the environment for his safety and assisted him with his daily calendar and activities.  It was during this stage that he was officially diagnosed and began treatment with medication to help with his depression and the decline of his cognition.  As he began to require 24 hour supervision, in the middle stage, my mother’s life drastically changed.  She was not only losing her husband, but she was also losing her independence and her own recreational outlets. This was when supports were needed both for my dad and my mom.  My dad began an adult day program to provide him social interaction and to provide respite for my mom.  At this time my mother also joined a local support group, a place for her to be with individuals who understood and could help her with personal resources.  As my mother’s emotional and physical health suffered, we were compelled to investigate placement for my dad.  Since our family was not ready to accept my dad going to a nursing home, this research was difficult.  With support, we determined a location that would provide easy access for my family to visit my dad regularly.  On a sad day in October, my husband and I had the difficult task of bringing my dad to a nursing home.  Given his confusion and agitation, it was not an easy transition for him. Given our guilt and grief, it was not easy for us either.  After several years of visiting and monitoring dad's care in a nursing home and evaluating our finances, we made the decision to move him to the Veteran's Memorial Hospital Dementia Unit where he eventually passed away.  Although we found solace in his passing, we also had tremendous grief as we reflected on all the wonderful memories that had been lost to him at the end of his life. 
     Following my dad’s death, I spent many hours wondering why I had been challenged with this in my life.  I became a Certified Dementia Consultant and I began providing services to friends who were going through similar situations with their loved ones. This journey, and my personal story, have led me to start Luminous Advisory.  It is my mission to assist families with the insight and guidance to keep their loved ones safe through the many transitions and ultimately create positive memories in the face of the challenges of dementia.   

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Lisa M Fibbe